All About That Gait
Photo by Arturo Castaneyra on Unsplash
As I mentioned in the “ABOUT” section, I wanted to name this place Widow’s Walk, but that name was taken. It seemed a fitting name considering my circumstances. You see, I have cerebral palsy. My gait is rather unusual, but it gets me where I need to go. Well, it did until the decision to have back surgery bound me to a walker (Ahh, another nod to the walking theme!). I’m not complaining, at least, not right now. I consider myself extremely fortunate to be as mobile as I am.
I was born in 1968 two and a half months premature. I weighed three whole pounds! I have MORE than made up for the weight deficit and I defied all those who told my mother that I would never walk. That kinda makes me a superhero right outta the gait…I mean gate, right? Damn, I knew I shouldn’t have gotten rid of that cape!
There goes my ego! I once had a boss tell me she thought people with disabilities tended to overcompensate. Well, what she considers overcompensating, we consider survival. We often have to push harder just to get people to see beyond our disabilities. We have to prove there is more to us than a wheelchair, a walker, leg braces or a cane. Especially now that almost every job description I see is written to make sure we are excluded.
TO MY OVERCOMPENSATION NATION:
PUT ON THAT CAPE AND OVERCOMPENSATE YOUR WAY TO THE BEST LIFE HAS TO OFFER!
I know that sounds like I should have a golden lasso and an invisible plane. I meant every word, but the reality is, I am broken and my drive to be the overachiever that boss claimed me to be is gone. There are days when it feels like to be here is more a curse than a blessing and I’m on that widow’s walk waiting for his return. But I can’t let grief and loneliness destroy what I worked so hard build. The Big Man (that’s my husband) wouldn’t want me to stop fighting and I realize I am truly blessed to have made it this far. He left this world at the age of 47. He was more able bodied and a much better human than I will ever be. I have no answers for why he is gone and I am still around. It is true that long life is a privilege denied to many. We should make the most of every day we are given. I will admit I am not good at finding joy without him, but I’m trying. That’s all any of us can do and we all have to do it our own way. I’ll be better tomorrow.
#widowshouse #cerebralpalsy