Slaying The Jabberwock
The Jabberwock, as illustrated by John Tenniel, 1871
Who I am is something that even my birth certificate could not clarify. Since infancy, I have been part of a blended family. We were the Brandy Bunch – the dysfunctional blend. When brewed, the tea for this party was strong and smelled of turmoil.
Blended families often leave children with responsibilities that should never be placed on the shoulders of ones so young. Some children find themselves taking on the role of caregiver. They lose their childhood in the midst of trying to fix what was broken and protect those they love. Some spend their childhood rebelling against what they see as loss of affection and their position in the family.
At a recent family gathering, I came to the realization that my very existence seems to be the cause of loss, pain, and resentment for some. Simply being born caused me to be held accountable for circumstances beyond my control. I was and will forever be associated with the end of what was perceived to be a good life. It was the first time I had seen these tumultuous relationships from this perspective.
At first, the idea disturbed me greatly. How was I to live with the idea that no apology, no change in my behavior, no confession of guilt could ever change what others suffered upon my arrival? Nothing I do will ever change this. Even my death cannot erase the history.
Eventually, I found some relief in the discovery. While it may not have helped me discover who or what I am, it certainly helped me determine what I am NOT.
· I am NOT, as a child, responsible for the actions of full-grown adults.
· I am NOT, as an adult, responsible for the behavior of others.
· I am NOT responsible for anyone’s happiness but my own.
· I AM NOT A VICTIM!
As adults, I would like to believe that we have found some love and respect for one another and have grown beyond the resentments that were created by existence in Wonderland.
If not, then I shall never slay the Jabberwock.
For a hero, I am NOT!